Snap Judgements

So recently I was blocked by two users.  This is the first time I've ever been blocked on this site, and I was quite taken aback both times.  The first time I am not exactly sure why I was blocked, but the second time it was more of a misunderstanding.  I commented on their art and ended on a small joke as an ice breaker, but they were offended and thought I was being disrespectful.  The sad part is that I can't contact them to clear things up and set things right.

Now, this sort of thing has happened to me in the real world before.  I met someone new in a hiking club, which was letting new people come along as prospective new members.  I struck up a conversation with the guy in charge and I thought it went well.  I had fun and wanted to join.  The next day I found out I was one of two people barred from joining.  To this day I don't know what I did or said that got him to think I was a jerk.  But it made me realize that intentions and perception don't always match up.

I've been introverted all my life, but in these past years I've made a lot of progress in being more outgoing and talking to strangers, both in the workplace and in my personal life.  I've gotten a lot better at socializing and being more confident, but I've realized that confidence isn't enough.  Sometimes I get too excited and say the wrong things.  Even though it's not my intention to be rude, that's how I am perceived by people that don't know me well enough to know that I would never try to be intentionally rude.

This morning I saw another example on The Talk.  An obese woman was stranded on the side of the road when her electric chair stopped working, so a good samaritan towed her with their pickup truck.  A pastor filmed her getting towed and said "Only in Kansas City."  People accused him of fat shaming and he was surprised by this, later stating on the news that that was not his intention and apologized if anyone was offended.  Here we have someone who wasn't trying to be mean, but that's how everyone perceived his video.

Not everyone is a natural at socializing, and often their attempts to socialize and make friends come off as extremely annoying or extremely rude.  I've met people like this before, only to realize later that they were nice people who simply were not good and communicating with strangers.

We've all heard "Don't judge a book by it's cover," which means that you can't judge someone on their appearance alone.  But I think there should be more to that saying, such as "Don't judge a book by it's first page either."  I have first-hand experience with this.  The first Harry Potter book I read was Chamber of Secrets in Elementary School, and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.  I read the first sentence, got bored, put it back and didn't read them for years.  It wasn't until after the movies came out that I read the fifth book and I liked it enough to read the next two, which I also liked.

First impressions are important but sometimes they can be wrong.  It isn't until you get to know them that you find out their true personality.  In the case of the Pastor, he could have been clearer as to what he was talking about, he could have said that he was amused by the situation and not trying to fat shame the woman, but the users could have held back their accusations and asked what he was referring to.  They could have waited to find out if he was making fun of the woman or the situation.

Likewise, one can always take a second to see if what they're going to say can be taken the wrong way, and one can always take a second to see if what they said was meant as an insult or an innocent remark.  Take an extra second or two to see how accurate your first impression is.